Quiet

I can't sleep.

Or I wont.

Its hard to tell now which is true. Maybe both.

There is nothing now but the glow of the screen. I imagine myself within a cave, the only sounds belonging to the crickets outside a window my mind tells me is near.

Perhaps if I were to close my eyes, lay down in bed, sleep would follow. but something keeps me from this, and I am inclined to hold steady. Im not ready yet to give into the night. Not yet.

The nights are quiet here, but pass quickly,and in a blur. From midnight, now suddenly, 3 hours have come and gone.

Can this be true? I'm in no position to argue with the clocks. they speak, after all, in humming tones I cannot replicate- in waves I do not understand.

Time is no more than a myth to me. I thought an understanding would come to be between me and it, but we've yet to find one that benefits us both. I can only assume what it tells me is accurate. To a point.

My internal clock is somehow months behind, often times years ahead.

There is no order to these things. Not for me. But ive come to peace with this. Still...understanding? Rather, it rings in the resemblance of placation.

There is no understanding for me and time.

Time and space.

Space and reality.

Its all a matter of perspective.

And I lack the perspective this world seems to run on.

And I've no true desire to catch up.

Certainly not at 3 am on a quiet Friday morning, in the chilling solace of Sun Lakes.